Rachma Rimadianti, 20, Surabaya - Indonesia.

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Night Talks.


If it’s up to me I’d like to punch those who put their ego above myself.
If it’s up to me I’d like to ignore those who treat me as an option instead of priority.
If it’s up to me I’d like to toss people who underestimate me aside.
If it’s up to me I’d like to leave those who leave me without looking back at all.
If it’s up to me I’d like to stop considering the feeling of peoples who do not care about mine.
If it’s up to me I’d like to let life be without overthinking.
If it’s up to me I’d like to go on with my own belief and not looking for peoples who wanna stay by my side.
But then, I wake up each morning and realize,
That it’s not up to me.
I’m a coward because I’m scared to get disappointed.
But I’m not a worthless shit.
I have a mind. And also heart.
I’m hard to love, and once I do, I love hard.
There exsist some persons I care for,
I hate to see them cry.
So I go back on this beautiful mess of life and smile often.
Life weighing some heavy rocks upon me and I just laugh.
And laugh.
And laugh.
And laugh.
And laugh more.
Til I get tired & come back home.
Turning off the lights.
Suddenly, I wonder how on earth everything should come to this.
Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either.
I pretend too much.
Pretend that I don’t need anyone.
Pretend that I don’t give a damn.
Pretend that I don’t feel the hurt.
Pretend that I can get through anything.
Pretend that I will always be fine.
Pretend that I’m not a creep.
Emotion is something uncotrolable, so I decided to put a distance, lock myself and ignore whatever my heart says.
And silently tears streaming down my face.
I may say that I’m fine but I know I’m not.
I can’t do this anymore.
Life isn’t as simple as it seems to be.

I wish I didn’t feel this way at all.

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